“Safe to Say” was the term one of my clients used to describe the kind of environment they wanted to create. By “Safe to say” they meant people felt comfortable sharing bad news and could openly talk about what was not working and what they did not like without fear of repercussions formally or informally.
On the surface it was a very positive work environment, except there was a lot of negative conversation going on behind the scenes. People were generally polite and respectful in dealing with one another publicly.
Despite the fact that leaders were hearing lots of positive conversation, something fundamental was missing: straight feedback.
Yet when something needed to be said that threatened the status quo, it was like there was a big sign in the room that said “Danger Ahead”.
When interviewing the staff it became clear why most people did not feel it was safe to speak up and say what was really on their mind. There was a lot of anecdotal evidence that people had harmed their career by “telling the truth”.
Speaking up when you had something to say that was not positive was widely considered a career limiting move. It didn’t even matter that much of the anecdotal evidence was actually just gossip. People believed it and acted accordingly.
It is natural for people to fear speaking up with anything that might occur as negative, contrary or controversial. When someone has power over you, which is reinforced through the organizational structure, they inherently do not feel safe. After all, why risk “biting the hand that feeds you”? Understand it is hard for a lot of people to speak their mind. Sure it would be great if there were more courageous people out there, but once you believe the problem is “them” it is game over because the only person you can change is you. Recognizing this is the first step to changing it.
The belief that positive is good and negative is bad has caused a lot of honest and important conversations to run underground where they can do damage rather than make a difference. Delivering straight communication is a function of both honesty and intent to contribute. Sometimes honest isn’t pretty or positive. As a leader you must not only be able to invite straight communication, you must be able to hear it gracefully.
For better or for worse your reactions to people’s attempt to deliver straight communication that comes out negative will send waves through the organization. Sometimes even what seems like a minor negative reaction will get blown out of proportion. As a leader you must develop the skill of listening for the commitment behind complaints and responding in a way that has someone know they were heard for both what they said and the commitment behind their willingness to take the risk of speaking up. The moment you react negatively in any way to someone delivering a difficult message, you have reinforced the belief that it’s not safe.
This phrase came to be because people in managerial and leadership positions wanted to encourage people to think on their own and not always come to them for the answer. Except when you use this phrase it is often interpreted mean “don’t bring me any problems, solve them on your own” or “I don’t want to hear any bad news, just fix it”. Of course you still want to encourage people to think and act independently, but when they do come to you with a problem, be mindful of using this phrase. Sometimes your team needs your help to solve a problem. It’s your job to teach them the difference between working with you and expecting you to solve it for them.
It’s time for you to get straight with you. Identify the things that are hard for you to hear. The biggest clues are those things people say that you react to in any dimension of your life. It’s often not the message, but rather what we make it mean about us that causes us to react despite the facts of what is said. In fact, it is likely your colleagues know exactly what those are because after they have worked with you a while they will learn to steer away from anything that will hit that hot button. Many times we are blind to what they are.
A great way to find out quickly is to ask your family, friends, and/or team: “what have you been trying to tell me that you think I can’t or don’t want to hear?” Asking directly for that kind of feedback has a way of taking the pressure off of the communication on both sides.
On the surface it was a very positive work environment, except there was a lot of negative conversation going on behind the scenes. People were generally polite and respectful in dealing with one another publicly.
Despite the fact that leaders were hearing lots of positive conversation, something fundamental was missing: straight feedback.
Yet when something needed to be said that threatened the status quo, it was like there was a big sign in the room that said “Danger Ahead”.
When interviewing the staff it became clear why most people did not feel it was safe to speak up and say what was really on their mind. There was a lot of anecdotal evidence that people had harmed their career by “telling the truth”.
Speaking up when you had something to say that was not positive was widely considered a career limiting move. It didn’t even matter that much of the anecdotal evidence was actually just gossip. People believed it and acted accordingly.
If you are a leader and believe that you are not getting the straight, honest feedback you want and need, here are 5 things to consider:
1. Fear of Speaking Up is the Rule not the Exception
It is natural for people to fear speaking up with anything that might occur as negative, contrary or controversial. When someone has power over you, which is reinforced through the organizational structure, they inherently do not feel safe. After all, why risk “biting the hand that feeds you”? Understand it is hard for a lot of people to speak their mind. Sure it would be great if there were more courageous people out there, but once you believe the problem is “them” it is game over because the only person you can change is you. Recognizing this is the first step to changing it.
2. Positive and Straight are Not the Same Thing
The belief that positive is good and negative is bad has caused a lot of honest and important conversations to run underground where they can do damage rather than make a difference. Delivering straight communication is a function of both honesty and intent to contribute. Sometimes honest isn’t pretty or positive. As a leader you must not only be able to invite straight communication, you must be able to hear it gracefully.
3. Reactions to Your Reaction Will be Amplified
For better or for worse your reactions to people’s attempt to deliver straight communication that comes out negative will send waves through the organization. Sometimes even what seems like a minor negative reaction will get blown out of proportion. As a leader you must develop the skill of listening for the commitment behind complaints and responding in a way that has someone know they were heard for both what they said and the commitment behind their willingness to take the risk of speaking up. The moment you react negatively in any way to someone delivering a difficult message, you have reinforced the belief that it’s not safe.
4. “Don’t Come to Me with A Problem, Come to Me With a Solution” is Misunderstood
This phrase came to be because people in managerial and leadership positions wanted to encourage people to think on their own and not always come to them for the answer. Except when you use this phrase it is often interpreted mean “don’t bring me any problems, solve them on your own” or “I don’t want to hear any bad news, just fix it”. Of course you still want to encourage people to think and act independently, but when they do come to you with a problem, be mindful of using this phrase. Sometimes your team needs your help to solve a problem. It’s your job to teach them the difference between working with you and expecting you to solve it for them.
5. The Thing You Have the Hardest Time Hearing is Often the Thing You Most Need to Hear
It’s time for you to get straight with you. Identify the things that are hard for you to hear. The biggest clues are those things people say that you react to in any dimension of your life. It’s often not the message, but rather what we make it mean about us that causes us to react despite the facts of what is said. In fact, it is likely your colleagues know exactly what those are because after they have worked with you a while they will learn to steer away from anything that will hit that hot button. Many times we are blind to what they are.A great way to find out quickly is to ask your family, friends, and/or team: “what have you been trying to tell me that you think I can’t or don’t want to hear?” Asking directly for that kind of feedback has a way of taking the pressure off of the communication on both sides.
No comments:
Post a Comment